Guy Fieri's mean green turkey machine is everything you would expect and more...
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Hello world! My name is Jesse and I love turkey.
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I would even dare to say I like it better than chicken.
Why? Because besides being delicious, turkey is the star of the Thanksgiving table!
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I mean, would it really be Thanksgiving without a turkey on the table? I think not! But not all turkeys are created equal.
So, in an attempt to find the absolute best way to cook a turkey, I decided to test four popular recipes:
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This was my lineup:
1. Alton Brown: Because Alton is the king of technical cooking projects, and I felt like turkey definitely falls into that category. He brines his bird and fills the cavity with a special microwaved flavoring mixture. I was intrigued.
2. Ayesha Curry: Because I always associate turkey with being bland and flavorless, and her jerk turkey recipe seemed like it would actually have flavor.
3. Martha Stewart: Because I was expecting her to do something super traditional, but it turns out she actually covers her turkey in cheesecloth that's soaked with butter and wine, so I was curious to see what that's all about.
4. Guy Fieri: Because his recipe is literally called "mean green turkey machine," and I knew it would take me on a trip to Flavor Town (for better or worse).
Here are their methods and how they stacked up:
First up was Alton Brown. He starts by making a brine out of salt, sugar, veggie stock, water, and spices — and lets his turkey soak in it.
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After eight hours, remove the bird from the brine, dry it off, and place it on a roasting rack.
Combine apples, onion, water, and cinnamon in a bowl and microwave it. Place the steamy mixture into the cavity of the turkey and brush the entire bird with canola oil.
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Start roasting the turkey at 500°F, then reduce the heat to 350°F for the rest of the cooking process. Roast until the bird reaches 161°F, wrap with foil, and let it rest for 15 minutes before carving it.
So, is brining your bird the secret to a perfectly cooked turkey?
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It might just be! The turkey was humble yet great. It didn't have any wild flavors going on, but it was beautiful, crisp, and juicy. It was everything I wanted (and expected) out of a Thanksgiving turkey, and for that I applaud Alton Brown. It was a timeless beauty!
Rating: 🦃🦃🦃🦃
Next up was Ayesha Curry. She starts by making a compound butter with scallions, shallots, garlic, and a slew of spices.
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Pat your turkey dry, then use your fingers to separate the skin from the meat. Place some of the prepared butter underneath the skin, and use the rest to coat the bird.
Stuff the turkey cavity with spices, limes, and garlic — and pour broth and soy sauce into the bottom of your roasting pan.
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Start roasting it in a 425°F oven, then reduce the temperature to 325°F and cook it until the turkey reaches 160°F. Let rest for 30 minutes.
So, did Ayesha's recipe finally give bland turkey the flavor it deserves?
Pierce Albernathy/BuzzFeed
It did! It was super flavorful but mayyyyyybe shouldn't be called jerk. Yes, it did have some jerk vibes going on, but there were no Scotch bonnet peppers! This is not jerk!
But anyway, judging on flavor alone, this turkey is a serious banger. It's moist, full of flavor, and totally unexpected. To say I liked this would be an understatement.
Rating: 🦃🦃🦃🦃
Next up was the queen of classic recipes, Martha Stewart. She starts by rinsing her turkey and letting it sit at room temperature for two hours.*
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While that's happening, combine melted butter and white wine in a bowl, then soak some cheesecloth in it.
*Note that the FDA advises against rinsing poultry.
Place your turkey on a roasting rack, season with salt and pepper, tie the legs together, and rub it with softened butter.
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Then just drape the buttery cheesecloth over the turkey and roast it until it reaches 180°F — basting the cheesecloth every 30 minutes. During the last few minutes, remove the cheesecloth and place it back in the oven to brown. (Sadly, we ended up with a turkey that had a big rip in it's skin — no fault to Martha!)
So, is a buttery cheesecloth the ultimate turkey hack?
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I.... don't think so. To be honest, the cheesecloth didn't seem to do anything. When I took it off, the skin was barely browned underneath — and the final few minutes of cooking without the cheesecloth seemed to make it brown way quicker. It didn't taste any different, and it wasn't super crispy. The turkey was bland, boring, and tasteless. I'm sorry Martha, but this just didn't do it for me.
Rating: 🦃
And last but not least, came Guy Fieri with a trip to ~FLAVOR TOWN~. To begin this journey, he pops his turkey in a standard brine and lets it chill for eight hours.
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Take it out, pat the turkey dry, and season the entire thing with salt and pepper.
In a pan, cook roasted peppers, garlic, cilantro, scallions, and garlic. Add lime juice and deglaze with tequila — then stuff this mixture underneath the skin of your turkey.
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Fill the cavity of the bird with onion, cilantro, and limes, then roast at 400°F until the turkey reaches 165°F. Cover with aluminum foil and rest for 15 minutes.
So, was it a good or bad trip to Flavor Town?
Pierce Albernathy/BuzzFeed
Eh, it was FINE. The turkey did have some flavor, which was nice, but it was pretty ugly and a rather laborious recipe to make. The green "stuffing" underneath the skin looked pretty gross and would make for a rather unsightly Thanksgiving centerpiece. I didn't hate it, but I was expecting more flavor from Mr. Fieri.
Rating: 🦃🦃
SO WHO WON?
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THE WINNER: Ayesha Curry
This turkey was unexpected, flavorful, and totally delicious. Although it may not technically be a jerk turkey, it's still delicious. It's warm, aromatic, and bursting with complex flavor. Get Ayesha Curry's recipe.
SECOND PLACE: Alton Brown
This turkey is the perfect version of a traditional Thanksgiving turkey. It's simple, perfectly seasoned, and juicy. If you're looking for a classic recipe, this is it. Get Alton Brown's recipe.
THIRD PLACE: Guy Fieri
This recipe tastes good, but it's a ton of work and rather ugly. The plethora of ingredients gives it a decent amount of flavor, but it's just not worth the effort, IMHO. Get Guy Fieri's recipe.
LAST: Martha Stewart
This recipe is the reason why so many people think turkey is dry and bland. The cheesecloth did absolutely nothing and the turkey was practically flavorless. Would not recommend. Get Martha Stewart's recipe.
Previous recipe showdowns:
• The Ultimate Mashed Potatoes Recipe
• The Ultimate Scrambled Egg Recipe
• The Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe
• The Ultimate Stuffing Recipe
• The Ultimate Pancake Recipe
• The Ultimate Guacamole Recipe
• The Ultimate Omelet Recipe
• The Ultimate Mac 'N' Cheese Recipe
